There are many things to talk about even leaving aside the cabbages (or lettuces that outlast a prime minister) and our present king, Charles the last. What really concerns us is whether pigs have wings. It won’t bother us a bit if Donald Trump imposes tariffs on sealing wax but pigs will fly before he does anything about global warming. We can make our own shoes, although it seems lately we prefer to import them from Asia but shipbuilding – which was my grandfather’s and uncle’s trade – is a thing of the past.

In Lewis Carroll’s poem an elderly oyster keeps his mouth shut, but the younger ones are enticed into following the Walrus and the Carpenter.

It seems a shame,’ the Walrus said,

      To play them such a trick,

After we’ve brought them out so far,

      And made them trot so quick!’

The Carpenter said nothing but

      The butter’s spread too thick!’

We’ve been buttered up too thickly, and for far too long, to find there was a pearl of wisdom in the oyster that kept its mouth shut.

Someone found a pearl of wisdom in some words of mine in a recent blog: “I have the right to remain silent but lack the ability.”

On the subject of cabbages, Donald Trump (who is more easily identified by his similarity to a pumpkin) has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for negotiating a ceasefire between Cambodia and Thailand after five days of hostilities that killed at least 43 people. Meanwhile, the Russo/Ukrainian war is no closer to a conclusion and Trump continues to facilitate genocide in Palestine.

MAGA sycophants make contradictory statements in support of the nomination. Some say that it will be worthless if he doesn’t get it, while others say it was rendered worthless when Obama won it “for being black”. Which begs the question, why does Trump want something something his bootlickers consider meaningless? Sounds like a classic case of sour grapes, the Walrus said.

“I have heard,” said the Carpenter, “that King Charles has announced that he’s about to make an announcement, he’s expected to tell us later what it is he’s announcing, then he’ll make the actual announcement – by which time everyone will have lost interest!”

“Will you walk a little faster?” said the tortoise to a snail.

“There’s a copper right behind us, he’s close on my tail.

“See how eagerly those so-called journalists advance!

“They’ll never believe that you and I were going to a dance”

“What is that noise?” the Walrus asked, “It sounds like braying brass.”

“It English Law,” said the Carpenter, “admitting it is an ass!

“If elderly people are arrested while criminals go to free

“One has to ask just how asinine the Law can be!”

“I thought it might be the Tump of Doom,” the Walrus said, “I’ve been expecting it quite soon.”

“It’s been delayed,” the Carpenter replied, “there’ll be more news at noon!”

“Shall we walk a little further?” Asked the Walrus. “There’s much more to be said.”

“Take your time,” the Carpenter replied, “I’ll go on ahead.”

“I hear folk asking,” said the Walrus, “Who killed Cock Robin? Sounds a bit like Dallas.”

“I’ve heard rumours,” the Carpenter replied, “emanating from the palace.

“Aimed at the gullible, I wouldn’t believe them for a bit.

“Spread around by the Bull, who’s always full of it.

“A Sparrow swore she’ld give Cock Robin a brand new crimson vest,

“If only Jess and Jezza could meet each other breast to breast.

“But the birds of Westminster are sighing and sobbing,

“Cos they ain’t heard the last of brave Cock Robin.

“Young Jenny Wren is fiery and bright,

“Together they’ll set Westminster alight!”